1:00am rolls by with little regard to the fact that its eagerness to proceed with the chronological status quo directly contradicts my eagerness to not at all be awake right now. As it stands, however, the gauntlet has been thrown and the project must launch, personal preference be damned.
I was once merely a developer. A cog in a great wheel. I was assigned simple tasks which I spent far too much time on. I had wiggle room. I could innovate and mess around and make myself look pretty badass while my seniors paid rapt attention to whatever the crisis of the moment was. There are times in which I long for those days. Not the money, mind you, nor the absolute lack of credibility or respect; But sometimes the ability to leave the office at 5:30pm and close the door behind me, blocking out work entirely until the following day, seems terribly attractive.
As Sr. Developer, top of the food chain, master of my domain, great ruler of my employer’s swath of cyberspace, I have no purchase with such whimsy. As a matter of fact, I don’t have much but responsibility these days. The glory I thought was up here at the top of the little contained corporate stepping stool is actually just reliance. The Sr. Dev doesn’t get all the attention because he is some sort of inter-company celebrity; He gets all the attention because when something’s busted it’s his ass in the sling.
So here I am again. Even the goddamned sun has gone to sleep. The cold cathode my window to my future, I am stitched here by priority and responsibility and launch dates and project management.
It takes a few moments to do it, but if I stop for a moment I can see how worth it this is. micro, I’ve got 1/2tb of music to keep me company until sun-up and an office full of people who really appreciate the effort. I can’t at all say I have it that bad.
The Jolt has me jittery, though. Optimus is my pusher, I am his fiend.