This is what has been happening in Outworld. This kind of shit. Which is exactly why they are sending Batman in to set the place straight.

The Batman doesn’t do scented oil.

I remember this one time I went into the woods near my house with this guy I used to hang out with in high school to shoot at soda cans with his air rifle, only he didn’t want to shoot soda cans at all and ended up shooting the living shit out of a squirrel before running around the forest with his shirt half off screaming that he was going to “kill absolutely every goddamned thing on this ball of ash before the end of it” and that he wanted to see if a frog’s tongue would come out of its mouth if he shot it in the ass.

One of the most shocking sights in my young life was watching this poor squirrel go shooting into the air and land, squirming and writhing in an insane kind of fit while half of his head was split open, and the kid telling me to put it out of its misery.

I did put it out of its misery and went back to shooting pop cans and trying not to throw up.

Because I helped destroy another life? Because I rent the bond between an innocent being and it’s mortal engine? Because I ended the cascade of all that was to come of that animal for the sake of this crazy devil child and his need to kill?

Mostly, I think, because I missed a serious opportunity to munch.

Post Script: THIS BITCH IS CRAZY!

What was the last Bruce Campbell movie you saw? Was it the one where they were trapped in a snowed in airport and one of them was an alien? Was it the one where he may or may not be Elvis and fights a zombie pharaoh? Maybe it was one of hismany cameos?

The last film in which I saw Bruce Campbell be anything but a reflection of what Bruce Campbell once was, was actually the single film that made Bruce Campbell what he was in the first place. It seems as though he has been riding an image for decades now while the people who actually made the single franchise that gave him any cred at all are off to doing bigger, better things. Sometimes they throw him a bone, sure, but where is the work for this guy that everyone seems to think is the greatest actor ever born?

AICN posted this one-sheet today for a film made in 2007 that has been struggling for almost a year to find a distributor:

It’s one of those films where the main character is actually the actor himself and is sought out by people who don’t get that it isn’t really him doing those things in the movies he’s made and he has to bungle his way through what he’s only done on set to save the day.

The trailer looks fine. It is definitly camp, and it is cool that Campbell is making fun of himself, but haven’t we done this already?

Actually, where the hell is my Brisco County Jr. ??

Kwame Kilpatrick the hip hop mayor of Detroit, has pled guilty to a pair of felony obstruction charges today, and will be stepping down from the big pimpin’ krunk party kingship office of the mayor and into a Wayne County jail.

He’s going to the slammer for 120 days and will owe the city one million items I’d buy that for.

Good luck, Kwame. Big ups. Thug life.

In other news, the new mayor has been chosen:

It is said that there will be an addition to the police force. More to come…

Whether you know this or not, I am fairly certain you are going to click the play button on the above video and be forever changed.

If not forever changed, then at least reasonably annoyed when, three hours from now, you are singing the Wet Pets theme song.

Blame me. Well, blame College Humor first, then me.